Today is 09 Oct 2014,it's going to be the end of year 2014 soon. I'm still working at the same place with old and new colleagues. As I stepped in to pharmacy daily for work,although I may feel tired as we may be facing challenging issues but I feel blessed to have the family warmth too. I've been working here for 4 years, considered as one of the seniors. People resign and new staff entered, sometimes I'm also wondering will I ever leave this centre one day. Currently, passing on the knowledge which I've learn to the next generation is my priority, although I'm quite fierce but I do care about my juniors. I just hope that one day they become mature and understand the importance of responsibility too.

My supervisors have always emphasize that this is a good place to work especially if you have family, I agree too. By the year of 2017, our flat is coming, it gives me a mixture of emotions. The first factor definitely is happiness, happy to know that I'm able to set up a family with him soon. However I do feel nervous and scared too. Nervous due to I don't know when will we get married, we can discuss openly about the house renovations and what kind of banquet but I'll never touch on the proposal issue. You can ask me all kinds of questions but for certain things, I think I shouldn't be the one who make the first step, otherwise I'll think that our roles has been reversed. However I'm not hoping for much as he's always busy,perhaps too busy to have a actual proposal. Additionally I'm scared because I realise as time passes by, he may not be as "automated" or responsive at times. At times I don't know whether my expectations became higher as years passed by but I really appreciate the small gestures which he does in the past. Loving a person is not easy, to maintain a relationship is even harder, really takes lots of effort. I hope I'll have the energy to build a family hand in hand with him and not me alone mentally and physically. After seeing so many cases, really a lot of cases from my relatives, friends, his relatives, there's a small side of me which doesn't want to commit to marriage. All women are afraid of marrying someone who can't give you happiness or the "wrong" man. I hope ours will be different. Other than wishing him to give me happiness, I wish I can provide him warmth, sense of belonging and happiness too. I like the moments when he waited for me to end work and us going home together, delivering of lunch, hugging and kissing me suddenly when I don't take notice of it,  enduring my bad temper and treating me like a princess at times, offering his help without me saying anything just like he knows what am I thinking. PS: I am still loving him and hope this goes on forever.


Hi blog, yes I'm having insomia again...recently I've been really unhappy, to the point that I can only smile during work because I have to not want to.

Been trying to project a strong image that I can handle anything in the world even though I really feel stress up inside and got no one to talk to. Tears secretly rolled down every night when I go to bed, maybe together with the change of weather hence I fell sick.

I was really disappointed with sis. Its actually a very small matter but I dont know y we stopped talking to each other for past 1 week. She could have told me nicely instead of showing aLGttitude. The next day I already wanted to tell her that nic wasnt going for our family trip anymore, but after showing me the attitude,I decided not to tell. I was discussingabout mmum's appt, I dont know how can she link to nic. The word which made me fed up was "kao peh"....really cant stand it...very disappointed....when will my sis grow up? I feel so stress everytime when she borrowed money from me. Not because I dont havesufficient savings but I know that II'm doing her harm. I really wish to solve her financial problem and I know its the main cause that she feels unhappy. However, no matter what I say, it just didnt work. Im really very tired. Sometimes I think if I were to die of heart attack, maybe everyone will be happy. she can get t address e money and solve her problem.
L


After that I tried to talk to nic but I got disappointrd furthermore. He said that he was listening to me but to me it was hearing. Sometimes even if u can help to solve a problem at least try to empathise with the person. One sentence saying what do I want him to say makes me drown further. I know that he doesnt have the time, but I just cant help feeling the distance between us. Whenever he needs a listening ear, I tried to be by his side and try to give advise if I could, y cant he do the same? listening and hearing is 2 different things. Maybe im just not worth his time at all. How do I express myselfso that he can understand me???? I dont know....:'(.....sometimes...just sometimes...thinking of being with someone that u cant feel insecurity...cant even ans u a simple ques, when I leave?, will u ask me to stay? No time...not sure that is he able to take care of u??.I think i'll feel better if I am single...I'm able to write freely here because I know he wont bother coming to my blog...

Ps:disapponted, heart aching and faking smikes..


8th Nov 12, 5.30pm

1 week plus away will be my 23th birthday, I seems to be worrier about my future. I just went through my O level's English exam, my goal was to obtain a pass so that I can upgrade myself in degree. However, last night I had a nightmare, dreamt that I didn't make it for the exam. It makes me reflect that what if I really didn't make it, should I still retake or just remain at my current state. I know most of the people around me are upgrading themselves to degree or even master, it makes me feel that if I don't upgrade, my future will be bleak.

Meanwhile, it may not be the truth. I've been searching for science courses this afternoon but the results are still the same as before. If I want to further study in pharmaceutical industry, among 2 schools, PSB will be a better one. It takes $43,000 and 4 years to complete the whole part time degree. Firstly, even if I complete the degree, I can't be a pharmacist. Furthermore, I know that my company is interested in promoting me to a higher level in 1 or 2 years time. If I were to change hospital, most probably will directly become a senior pharmacy technician after that, without the need of a degree, just relevant experience will do. Next, if so much money is to be spend in my studies, calculating the advantanges and disadvantages, I seemed to be at the losing end. No promotion after studying, money loss but however, I admit that I'm able to gain more knowledge.

 I tried looking at other courses but was not interested in any of them. Suddenly, I feel that maybe I had chosen the wrong course or path after my graduation from secondary school. However, in life there's no turning back, I know that I have to make a decision somehow and not to regret it. Although I'm stuck with my course choices, but I still feel happy that I'm a pharmacy technician, maybe because I followed my interest and managed to secure a job from it. Sometimes, it is the truth that handling weird and demanading patients are very energy draining, but it also makes me feel happy when I see other patients recovering slowly from their illness.

Should I further upgrade through degree courses? Eileen told me to follow my heart, if I don't have the heart to do so, I shouldn't do it, so that I won't waste the money. I think the answer is in my heart, it's just that I'm doubting my judgement and prediction. Confused.


Tomorrow is 22 Oct 12, and one of the more important days in my life. After a few months of struggling and making my tuition teacher vomiting blood several times, I'm finally taking the exam. I understand that I've not met my teacher's standard yet but I can only pray for the best when I am entering the hall. Today Ms. Laura gave me a hug when I'm leaving, I almost wanted to cry but still held back my tears because I want to have a memorable and happy ending. Previously, she tasked me to do one compo, title was Hope. I should have written down my story and the process of how she helped me to pull up my socks in English. Now, I just wish to at least obtain a pass and can further my studies by next year. Although I still have not check what course do I want, but probably will be doing soon. For our future, I'll hold on there. =) I'm also sure that I'm going to miss Ms. Laura terribly.


I wanted to come here to put down what I'm thinking right now and for these past few days before I do my composition homework. Ms. Laura wants us to use Goal as our compo title. I was thinking, is it very important to have a goal in life or different types of goal in different life stages?

I was very angry with one of my colleague few days ago because I'm totally disgusted by her actions. I know that it is not easy for middle age people to learn things as they may not be as fast as youngsters. However, in this case here, I can accept her stupidity but definitely not her stubborness and her scheming plans. It's alright if she doesn't wants to listen and can't get things right even for the simpliest thing at work. But, I don't understand why must she complained to boss and act pitiful saying that nobody is teaching her when everyone is already vomiting blood??? Terrible auntie I must say, scheming one too. Just don't want to talk to her and ignored her totally! I was so furious when I heard she went to ask another pharmacist what she wants to eat, she is willing to cook for her. I mean, if she is so capable, why don't she cook for everyone in the department and bribe everyone with that?? -_-'' Well, just grumbling, I know very well what are office politics and auntie's tactic since I left my previous jobs because of that.

Now, another thing that makes me pissed off is that people seems to start borrowing money from me. I'm sick and tired of lending money and continuously chasing after the person to return me the money. I hope one day, the people whom I love will start to know how to save money so that I don't have to worry about her.

 However, at least there is one thing that I'm looking forward to, which is our anniversary. =) Time flies and our 1st year anniversary will be coming soon. I hope you like the present I bought for you and hope we will have many moons to spend ahead together. Most comforting words that I've heard from you is that you told me that you know you are with the correct person and don't mind setting up a family with me. For this sentence, I am willing to wait and mature with you together and I believed that we will have our own family in future. I love you...


Today is Saturday, going out with sis later in the afternoon. Feeling grumpy recently, don't understand why am I like that suddenly. I seems to be angry and disatisfied with the slightest thing. I've not been talking to one of my colleague for few days, at first was angry with her but come to think of it, I'm not angry anymore. However, I still don't feel like making the first move because I don't want to spoil her and let her think that she can continue with her attitude. My inner character seems to become stronger and stronger this period. Character that is very straightforward, no grey areas, a little dominant, impatient. I've been trying to control and uses reasoning to control myself but sometimes I'll explode without any warnings. I'm feeling a little frustrated with myself, sometimes cannot understand what do I really want. I hope to control back my temper towards mummy and daddy too although they don't listen to me. Maybe I need to go back to gym soon so that I can release my stress through exercise and yoga lessons even though I think I'm actually not very stress. Kam Ba Tak! =)


My English oral exam will be in 2 days time, I think I'm 75% prepared. Today, when Ms. Laura gave me a last round of oral test, I suddenly forgot all my formats, I just think that I'm slightly stress. Not to mention that I hadn't been taking any forms of formal test or exam in few years already. I just hope that I'll do well this time round, at least for the oral so that I can get a pass for my English. What goes around, comes around, so after my exams, I'll have to crack my brains and think of what degree course I will like to take in future.

My salary had been increased a little, trying very hard to save up the money for future use but don't seems to be progressing well. I heard from Eileen saying that there will be a BTO flat in Woodlands and I'm quite interested in that actually. However, I didn't really bring it up to you because I don't want you to think that I'm forcing you to marry me in 3 years time if we obtained the flat. Studying a degree takes at least 3 years, for my science course, it can easily attain up to 4 years. By then, I'll be working and saving to pay my school fees at the same time. Seriously, I'm thinking of when will I be settling down?

Just wanna to concentrate on my English exam now, don't want to think about anything else yet although I would really like to settle down.

Shu Yun
[yunyun]
girl, 19, 17/11/1989
sembawang
Republic Poly


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