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Friday, January 30, 2009,8:23 AM

tiring day today..went house visiting for chinese new year in ling's, yee auntie and jie's house..they're all very funny and we had fun la..hehe..they taught me how to play the poker cards of 21 point game and majiong. erm..for 21 point game, i had beginner's luck so i won like from 40 cents to become $4..hehe..then they all keep saying why my luck so good..hee..sorry la..next time treat u all eat ice cream. muackie!=D..hee took some photos too..

then when i was on my way home from sembawang mrt..wth..got a stalker following me..wth..first time in my life i got stalk..so stupid..-_-''..wan stalk also stalk prettier person ba..follow me so near what for. then i purposely went in circles to shake him off but he still continue to walk very close..luckily i hide up in a corner pretending i got a lot of letters to take from letter box and stand there very long then he went off.

anyway, yesterday went to take mum's health result le..luckily it's just a normal infection so there's no cancer. i promise god that even there's cancer in her, i'm willing to take her place. now that her report shows that she's fine, no matter its coincidence or what, if one day this thing come true, i'll fight off it off..=).

also, after such a long period of time, elroy contacted me yesterday in msn. i was quite surprised that, i manage to put him down totally cos finally we can talk like normal friends le ba..i realise, a lot of things in life is actually just a pass by stage where it'll be different in different people's life. when you're stuck in that situation, you feel it's very hard and its impossible for you to do it. but actually, nth is impossible in life..it's whether you want or not. although sometimes, certain things you "can't" do it due to certain reasons. but still, it comes down to how you look at the matter. yes..it's hard and it hurts deep down, no one will know how are u feeling, and that's the reason of why you should help yourself even more to stand up..jia you everyone!=D..

Tuesday, January 27, 2009,6:00 AM

losing something is the process of gaining..most of the time, its only when you lose something that you learn how to cherish, and that you learn the process of pain and also the process of you standing up once again. Even though the process of standing up is not easy..i guess time will bring away everything. Maybe for some people, heaven will give you back a gift to replace the one that you've lost or maybe for some people, nth will be able to replace what you've lost..=D..most importantly is to be able to keep other things continuously running cos it's not worth stopping down everything just because of losing of certain things..

Monday, January 26, 2009,6:41 AM

my mummy=)

my sister=)

the gigantic terrapin=)

First of all, Happy Newwww Year to all of you!!=) hope this new year brings in new hope and new life for all of us too. =)..

thurs is coming..mum's check up report results are going to be out soon too..i really hope that she only has slight infection in her nose and nth more than that..she has been bleeding a few times for the past 1 week..deep in my heart, i pray that, even if someone were to get cancer, i rather that the person is me. but i promise i won't die and leave her here, i will sure fight against the cancer disease. i rather i have it cos at my age, i still can afford to be "torture" by that illness..she's already 60..really dun wish her to have it the second time..god bless her good health and be happy always. i'm willing to suffer in her place. her nose bleed 2 times today..other than worry i really dun know what to do..

haiz..nvm..shall wait for the results to be out ba..its new year..everyone should be happy. =)..today went to 2 places, one is my god ma's house, another is my auntie's house. my god ma's house the terrapin is totally gigantic la..bigger than my whole palm size..i took photos of him also..hee..and today is triston's 1st time entering my auntie's house..at first he cried but after we play with him, he was fine. =) took some photos of my family..hehe..then today my cousin's husband also the 1st time enter the house..so handsome..hehe..but she also very pretty..pai seh..the bubble dream of: "when will i marry a husband that loves me, is a good man, and treats me, my family and my friends well" appearing in my head now..haiz..think too much again=p..poke away the dream..dun think it happen anyway..hee..

and, be happy alright boy? =) sorry about my temper that night although i dun know if it's right or wrong for me to throw temper at you..i think you won't contact me again cos of how i scolded you that night but i just wan everyone to be happy. =) other than my sis in law..i dun think there's anyone i won't forgive..hehe..cos let's all be a smile always person ba. =D..blink blink..new year new hope new resolution. ;)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009,3:57 AM

dun know how long can i stand this home..dun even want to return back at all at night, or dun even wan to step in the house when she's around..step in the house only hear quarreling..scold and scold and scold. when ppl talk to her nicely she say ppl is scolding her..when she scold ppl she treat it as a power that she's suppose to have it.

other than feeling heart pain for my parents, i dun know what to do or say. what i can do is to do nothing..because i dun wan to stir up unnecessary troubles and make my mum worry more..

nth happy is happening around me other than going out with my bunch of friends..at least i consider that as a fortunate thing for me. i wanna stay at home and rest, but i can't..just have to keep on going out to avoid the things i dun wan to hear and see..when will my happy days arrive?..another 1 or 2 more years? i'm so tired..ppl say when you do something bad u'll have retribution, but why is it when my own family is so nice we have such a horrible thing that's happening to us. dun tell me its a test send from heaven cos, even if we do good things, there're no good things happening..why is heaven so unfair.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009,9:15 AM

went sembawang beach in early morning today...to take a breather if not i'll suffocate myself to death..thanks boy for accompanying me just to sit down there and to let the wind blow on our face. felt more relaxed and less tense after all the jokes that you tell to make me laugh. thank you. =)

sorry, had to leave you halfway to let you go home after our trip today..maybe you'll misunderstand but sorry, i dun wish to explain anything, just wish to tell you, both of you are just my friends. whether he still exist in my life or not, i'll still not accept someone again to step into my relationship life, i'm tired, i just need a rest. just wish to let you know, thanks for your friendship and i really do treasure it, we'll be brother always right. ;)..

Monday, January 19, 2009,2:40 PM

can't sleep throughout the whole night...when i finally get some sleep at 3am, here i am, at 6.30 am woken up by that bitch. keep scolding and scolding..really is my turn to scold her ka ni na bu!...thats what she scold yesterday..scold till so happy..that's was directly scolding at my passed away grandmother.she dun go crazy my whole family also going crazy. i can't guarantee how long can i stand her..i can't guarantee what will i do to her when i go crazy...how nice..it would be to have knief being slashed on her face for once...twice..or even more than 3 times..how nice it would be to have a big chopper to hack or stab into her body..or how nice it would be to have all the wine bottles to be smashed on her head. i really think my violence symptoms are getting worser..am i sick or what i dun know..i only want her to be hurt thats all!..

Sunday, January 18, 2009,10:15 AM

had a bad day yesterday omg..my colleagues..really hopeless..and me..also hopeless..don't understand why i can let them bully me and i'll still remain silence. dun know what am i doing also..totally..no goals, no direction, no feeling..

today..luckily i got out of the house in evening with eileen they all..came back..heard that my dad quarrel with sis in law again..dad said she scold them even worse bad words such as ka ni na and chou ji bai..really dun know what to say..mum even say she want to die so that she can be free from all this suffering..recently she hasn't been stop bleeding in her nose..on thursday she's going for her checkup..she said that she wants a relapse from her cancer and just die away..no one will understand how am i feeling. these few days even though they know that she's not feeling well, they still continue to push triston to her to take care of him..if one day my mum really die, i'll go with her together..at least she won't be bored in her journey. and i'll definitely be back to haunt my brother and sis in law. unless my sipit is destroyed if not i'll definitely come haunt them everyday, every night, every min, every second. i wan them to pay for what they've did, i want them to suffer, i wan them to die.

and, amos, stop giving me excuses le, i'm really very tired. the best thing that i've done for you is that i didn't hate you after all that you've done to me and instead i wan to console and help you. this is the furthest i can go for you, i can't go on anymore, i'm very tired..very very very tired. i have my own problems too, dun come to me again when you have problems. and no matter what i become in future is not your business. if it's because of guilty or because of your dad ask you to get together with me again, sorry, its not possible for it to happen. if u do feel guilty then just take well care of her, if u don't love her anymore, just find someone else, not me. u're not the guy i'm looking for in my life, and, in my life, there won't be anyone entering my heart again. whenever i need you, you're not there at all, and only appears when the thing is solved..whenever you need me, i'm there for you to break your fall..why must it be this way everytime..sorry i can't take it anymore..so you can forget about all those excuses and nice sentences that you've to think to tell me. take care..bye.

Saturday, January 17, 2009,7:24 AM

me is starting on my lose weight program!!..bet with my friend liao, must lose at least 4 kg in 1/2 year..actually this goal is quite achievable..hee..as long as i don't pinch too much food at night to eat..:p..must lose weight to buy my that nice nice dress..=D..

and..this part is for u again idiot. for a split second i decided to believe in you, but thanks for your actions, i was woken up by you. love is not a game u understand? it's not just a sentence: "i love you" then everything will be fine and you don't have to use actions to prove it. i dun think u'll wan to go through everything for me cos u dun love me at all. but thanks for not loving me and training me on not to believe a man again. thank you.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009,6:27 AM

suppose to be a happy day for today.=) went to the resume workshop with darling and jie..then after that we took pictures inside our schl..cos we realise that RP is quite romantic and beautiful at night..=)..i'm going to so miss my darling, sweetheart and dear when i leave RP..=)..

but when i reach home..mum's nose start to bleed..very worry when she start bleeding everytime cos she has cancer before..she's already lost one of her eyes..dun wan her cancer to come back again..really very worry..that sis in law and bro also dun know what is called automatic. my mum's not a maid..her nose bleed they dun even care..still continue to ask her to take care of triston..not feeling angry, just feeling..i dun know..dun know how to describe..maybe hopeless and helpless.

anyway, this 3rd para is meant to be read by the person whom i want to write to. i know u've found and is reading my blog. just wanna tell u, i'm sorry. i won't go back to the past...dun come find me again le..i just wan to live my life as simple as possible. i dun wan anymore complications, anymore obstacles that i've to deal with in a relationship. you always say that, why we've come to this stage is because i gave you up to hui ting on that day. but, i can tell you, until now i still won't regret what i've did. we both know that, because of i pity her, and that i dun wish to hurt her thats why i decided to back out. if u're also telling the truth, then u're doing the same thing as me as well. since you've decided to go back to her and help her..dun leave her again le. it's too late to get back..the day when i give you up, it's the end. you can say that i'm cruel, but, sorry, i can't bear to hurt her, i wan her to recover. be patient towards her condition, wish u all the best with her..but if both of you didn't end up together in the end, i'm sure you'll find a better girl than me. i just want to be free of relationship problems..i'm vexed enough. i only want my friends and family..thats it..i admit it hurts, it really hurts, but sorry i've to leave again. i love you.

Monday, January 12, 2009,8:17 AM

what is right and what is wrong in this world?..must the measurements of rights and wrongs go accordingly to the "world" and "public" judgement or it's only needed to be measure accordingly from that person's conscience...sometimes i'm so firm that i'm doing the right thing because in my brain, it says that it'll benefit most ppl and its the optimal results..but sometimes when i look back, have i really done the right thing or was it just an excuse for me to run away from my problems. Really dun wish to think so much..I..treasure the happiness that I'm able to get from my friends and my mum, dad and sis. will i make the right choice again this time or will i continue the thinking that I had in the past. One of the time, when i was very troubled and confused, I wanted to tell one of my friend about it. But before I even open my mouth, he told me that, dun need to think already, make a decision that i dun have to think about benefiting others but only me. just wish i can be selfish at times but i always back out at the last moment, cos, being selfish is not my character, seeing others unhappy is not what i will do. but what if, whether i am selfish or not, one of the party will be unhappy, what am i suppose to do now man..omg..life..haiz..nvm..shall take one step at a time. ;)..won't get beaten down so easily.

Sunday, January 11, 2009,9:04 AM

today such a bad day for me=( i hate my new workplace..shadn't mentioned where is it..but..i just dun like the ppl there..they're so selfish..i even kana scolding from a auntie when i'm helping her lo..i think she crazy wan. haiz..lazy to say the whole thing out again.nvm..i shall pray that i will be transfer back to my old workplace again=(..

desmond went to find me today despite his fever, thanks to him..at least there's a smile coming from me throughout the whole day in my workplace. my whole face was totally black today cos the ppl there are so grumpy. think they ate too much burger from BK( burger king) cos their face is very BK (black)..hee..

Saturday, January 10, 2009,9:28 AM

yeah!..today went watch Ponyo Ponyo with my sister..hee..its a not bad movie..words to describe: its really a cartoon..haha..cos very very innocent and pure. Erm..i couldn't understand some part of the story line, cos like no link to me..but my sis explain to me...after explaining..all i can say is..nvm..its a cartoon..dun need much link..hee..

Anyway..the movie showing very very pure and innocent love between of like some sort of mermaid in love with a small boy..then same thing lo..the mermaid need to give up its power to be with him. Love in movie or sometimes in reality, can be just so simple..so blissful and innocent. Really envy it cos to me..simple is still the best. A lot of times..man says that women are complicated..but i think its rather..men do not look into details enough. To me..when i'm in a relationship..i can do a lot for my partner..i dun mind sending him supper late in night after he come back from work. i dun mind waiting for him for 2 hrs for his work just to see him..i dun mind cleaning up his whole house..i just wan a simple thanks from him..that word, to women, is a form of appreciation down from his heart. =) ..love..so complicated because human made it to be so..but..sometimes its external factors..haiz..when will i meet my true love that treats me good forever. Or..is there such a thing call forever..or it's just a sweet talk..

NVM!..must jia you!! i'm a strong Xiao Qiang, won't get beaten down easily..yeah..winkzz..;) my sisters will always be with me.=) GO GO GO!!chiong for life..

Thursday, January 8, 2009,8:31 AM

me is happy girl today!=D..went to shop with my ling, yee auntie & jie they all..they waited very long for me cos i wanted to buy new lingerie set..hee..total bought 4 sets..haha..buy 3 get 1 free. 1 theory suddenly pops up in my mind, which is, shopping really helps to destress! =D..last night so angry until i cry couldn't sleep..at least today shopping liao my mouth can't stop smiling..hee..but pai seh..make ling they all waited me for so long to try out..:p thanks all my darlings! =D

Wednesday, January 7, 2009,6:50 AM

seriously i really dun wan to be a person who scolds bad words all day long..hating someone all day long. but can u pls dun bully my parents! what's the fucking problem with u bitch! my parents help you to take care of triston, they dun even expect a thanks from you, yet you still scold them bad words directly in front of me. today i went out happily, came back heard that you scold my dad. wtf man, you not happy then just move out of this house la, u dun even pay a single cent for anything in this house, and u expect us to all move out and let you have the entire house for your family! Fuck you man, dad just say, not even shout at triston telling him that dun be naughty, and u accuse him and say dad treat him like a dog. fucking damn angry..i really dun wan to curse you all day long, i just wanna be a simple girl with happy and simple family. i already dun have a good relationship life, the only thing that i'm blessed with is that i have a real good bunch of good sisters including my own sister. my whole family except my fucking bro is like damn nice, hmm..although sometimes i'm not that nice..but i really dun think we deserve someone like you to enter our family lo..seriously..my parents and me dun own you anything. you wanna treat us like maid or what, go hire one yourself and FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!at least i spent $6000 in this house for the furniture, how much did you contribute????!! argh!!really very angry..really..i really feel like learning all the bad words in this world and scold you i tell you...try scolding bad words at my parents again, i'll get into a real fight with u man bitch!..fucking angry..

Sunday, January 4, 2009,9:47 PM

finally...10 days of 11 hrs of standing job is over.=D..so tired..haiz..this time go expo to work..erm..make a lot of new friends..quite happy, they're all very good people=D..one of them got take photos but nv send..nvm la..hee..

he went to look for me in expo..he was complaining to me how his current gf treat him..but..what you want me to do..its your own choice. he says that i must be laughing at him now for his state..but honestly i got no feelings at all, cos i dun have any more feelings for him anymore. know a new guy too at expo..everyone says that he has interest in me, i can tell too, he was actually trying to tell me yesterday..haha..but i just pretend nth happen, dun understand what he'a talking..muhahaha..a bit bad but i dun think i wanna enter a relationship again, so tiring..

still the same old sentence: single rocks! ;)