BlogYYY
Monday, June 25, 2012,7:18 AM
25 Jun 12 10.03pm
Today I did a stupid thing again and I made myself feel happy for one whole day. When I asked why were you feeling down and you replied that you know that you have to put in more efforts and learn how to priortise. I misunderstood the message and thought that finally you realised it and is going to put in more efforts between us. It's only after a second look at the message, I found out that you were actually refering to your work and study.
Really don't feel like replying because I'm afraid if I reply, I will say things that can never bring us back. Don't know how long can I hang on there but I definitely can't get into good sleep tonight although I'm working early shift tomorrow. I'm preparing my presentation slides for the August lessons and is hoping that work as always is able to relieve me from thinking about relationship matters and numb me, at least for the night. The only place that I can talk to is my own blog where I can write out all the things I want to write because I know no one will bother to read my blog...=)
Wednesday, June 20, 2012,8:05 AM
20 Jun 12, 10.54pm
Waited for a while trying not to fall asleep to wait for one phone call which I don't know will it be calling in or not...finally it did and even before the topic heats up yet, I didn't get to say what I really wanted to say the phone call had to be put down..what a wonderful feeling...but well...I seems to be getting used to it..to this kind of communication method or rather a "short" catch up...
I think that I'm getting closer to the answer I want to know and what I want to do, most probably just waiting for the right time...some times, some things just don't belong to us...some times, staying aloof is the best way to remain neither happy nor sad, maybe peace is the best state for me....
My buddy talked to me today saying that he wants to quit when he just entered the company for 6 months. Reminded by him that if I continue to stay in this company and not to further study, I'm going to get rusty real soon. He said going to hospitals will definitely learn more things although the workload is much higher. I was thinking am I able to handle shift works, what if it affects my studies in future. Hope that part of my thinking now is based on imbalance hormones and not the real decision that I really want. Trying to stay cool headed.
Sunday, June 10, 2012,5:40 AM
10 Jun 12, 8.33pm
A sudden gush of disappointment and unsettlement ran through my heart to my mouth that I think I said something inappropriate again. I admit that I've been trying my best to be your 100% gf in your heart so that one day you can treat me the same way too. But this doesn't seems to be the way. Tired.
I do not wish to go back to the same old me, when I feel that there's not enough time well spend with one another, I'll start to flare up. It's a very bad habit and it really affects my mood. I want back my smile where I do not have to think or worry anything about my bf, whether can we communicate, whether can we meet each other at least once a week, whether...I don't know.
I just want to be me, smiling and bringing smiles to people. Just wanna to be independant. If having someone besides me let me think that I can reply on them but I can't, then I would rather not have anyone beside me so that I can go back to my protective shell and become like an "ice" again.
What's exactly wrong with me? Maybe the 2 consecutive days when I received those riddiculous complain from the aunties really affects my mood. I should stop flaring up and think.
Ps: Hope to find back my patience and smile.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012,7:51 AM
05 Jun 12, 10.46pm
Today I had a busy day at work and I don't know why, but my temper became bad recently. Maybe because I'm tired or there are other reasons leading to it. I've just signed up for fitness club recently and is determine to lose weight by swimming and other acitivities with Eugene. Hope to become both fit and smart women..:p..
Looking through the websites for university, this problem came back to me again. Although I'm concentrating on my O levels recently, the main reason why am I retaking my English is because I want to further my studies. Future looks blur to me, I'm also not sure what I really want to become. Trying hard to ask myself and find the answer from my heart. If I'm able to study together with Lina and Eugene, I'll be happier. At least there's company and I will be more encouraged when I'm taking my course.
Friday, June 1, 2012,8:54 AM
One month had just passed from our Korea trip and my energy level goes back to low battery mode again. Twenty more minutes will be our 8 months anniversary and here I am quarrelling with you because you have no time for me. It's tiring to keep telling my heart to tone down while trying to get my brain back to work. Please.....heart, can you stop being naughty and just appear only when I need you? I need my brain to tell me to be logical and understanding. Sometimes even when I know why do I get angry but I just cannot get my logical thinking back to work.
I'm glad that before I go to bed, we've stopped our quarrel. Anyway, to side track, I really missed my keychain and keypouch. Hope that they are in a safe and clean place. =( Time to sleep...tired after throwing temper..
