BlogYYY
Tuesday, March 26, 2013,9:09 AM
Hi blog, yes I'm having insomia again...recently I've been really unhappy, to the point that I can only smile during work because I have to not want to.
Been trying to project a strong image that I can handle anything in the world even though I really feel stress up inside and got no one to talk to. Tears secretly rolled down every night when I go to bed, maybe together with the change of weather hence I fell sick.
I was really disappointed with sis. Its actually a very small matter but I dont know y we stopped talking to each other for past 1 week. She could have told me nicely instead of showing aLGttitude. The next day I already wanted to tell her that nic wasnt going for our family trip anymore, but after showing me the attitude,I decided not to tell. I was discussingabout mmum's appt, I dont know how can she link to nic. The word which made me fed up was "kao peh"....really cant stand it...very disappointed....when will my sis grow up? I feel so stress everytime when she borrowed money from me. Not because I dont havesufficient savings but I know that II'm doing her harm. I really wish to solve her financial problem and I know its the main cause that she feels unhappy. However, no matter what I say, it just didnt work. Im really very tired. Sometimes I think if I were to die of heart attack, maybe everyone will be happy. she can get t address e money and solve her problem.
L
After that I tried to talk to nic but I got disappointrd furthermore. He said that he was listening to me but to me it was hearing. Sometimes even if u can help to solve a problem at least try to empathise with the person. One sentence saying what do I want him to say makes me drown further. I know that he doesnt have the time, but I just cant help feeling the distance between us. Whenever he needs a listening ear, I tried to be by his side and try to give advise if I could, y cant he do the same? listening and hearing is 2 different things. Maybe im just not worth his time at all. How do I express myselfso that he can understand me???? I dont know....:'(.....sometimes...just sometimes...thinking of being with someone that u cant feel insecurity...cant even ans u a simple ques, when I leave?, will u ask me to stay? No time...not sure that is he able to take care of u??.I think i'll feel better if I am single...I'm able to write freely here because I know he wont bother coming to my blog...
Ps:disapponted, heart aching and faking smikes..
